21 December 2012

Villas-Boas' jargon bucket

Tottenham Hotspur's coaching staff (Villas-Boas is third from left in back row).

Andre Villas-Boas is a walking, talking soundbite.

I've touched on this before, but the Tottenham Hotspur manager really does talk like a businessman who is trying to sound smarter than he actually is. The Portuguese coach's grasp of English is so incredible that one would think he'd shadowed a real-life Don Draper in his younger days, and that his assistant manager should be January Jones rather than Steffen Freund.

Here are some of the things Villas-Boas has said during his time in England, along with translations into the plain English that most other managers use:

AVBese: "[The chairman and I] spoke about the January situation and the eventuality that we could look to strengthen the squad to be better. What came out of those conversations was that our level of focus is not to do a lot in January. Our squad will become big even in terms of numbers with the return of injured players."
English translation: "We won't be making any signings in January. We've got some players coming back from injury then, so we don't need to add to our squad."

AVBese: "We are extremely happy with our goalkeepers' competition. When the decision was in favour of Brad [Friedel], Hugo [Lloris] accepted it and now the decision has fallen in Hugo's favour, Brad accepts it."
English translation: "We've got two excellent goalkeepers who will always work hard to get into the team."

AVBese: "For sure it is not something that is very pleasing to see. The most important thing for the players to realize is that we do things for the benefit of the team. We understand individual frustrations but we, as a team, are more important. The game wasn't going well for [Jermain] Defoe in our thought process. Maybe he could think the opposite but we don't take him off to punish him. We took him off to improve the team."
English translation: "One player isn't bigger than the club."

AVBese: "We have increased the complexity of the tasks the players have been doing at the end of training. The more complex the exercise, the more concentration they need at the end. They need to be very, very creative.
"It does not mean that the problem is solved, but the players are conscious we have conceded in the past and they want to get it right."

English translation: "We need to be more creative, but at the same time, we need to stay solid at the back."

AVBese: "We have been incentivating the players on a positive but trying to impact what is a negative statistic."
English translation: "We need to focus on the positives."

AVBese: "For Chelsea to have won the FA Cup and the Champions League, it means we were still present in those competitions at that time [when I was sacked]. The squad was being put in place towards the future and the owner took the decision, which I have to respect, but I never accept it.
"Chelsea was not so gratifying in terms of success, but it was very gratifying professionally for me. I have learned from a couple of things I did wrong, and also you have to trust the right people at the right time. This gathering with Tottenham gives me even more stability towards the future."

English translation: "Roman made the wrong decision when he sacked me, and I'll prove him wrong at Tottenham."

AVB thinks outside the box in terms of talking in the context of going forward.

AVBese: "They [the players] don't have to back my project. It's the owner who backs my project. Some of them don't back the project? That is normal. I think the owner has full trust in me and will continue to progress with the ideas that we have."
English translation: "I have the full support of the chairman."
Chelsea English translation: "I'll clear my desk later this afternoon."

AVBese: "The referee was poor. Very, very poor. And it reflected in the result. I spoke to him at the end and I was very aggressive. I don't care if he's OK or not. Anyone can have a bad day but this was not a bad day for us: it was a good day for us but a bad day for the referee. Conspiracy theories can lead to bans and people calling us cry babies, so we're not saying that. But it keeps happening."
English translation: "The referee made a lot of bad decisions, and I'm not happy about them."

AVBese: "David [Luiz] is going to be one of the greatest central defenders in the world. Why? Because of his characteristics: technical ability, anticipation and speed. I think he's played fantastically well here, but sometimes people have misconceptions and a player has to carry that stamp for the rest of his life."
English translation: "David Luiz can be a top, top player."

AVBese: "Sunday is a different kind of challenge. We face Man United in perhaps their most tremendous moment of motivation, flair and style – and a team that has made its impact in the beginning of the Premier League. Motivation will be a key factor. It’s about the capacity of players to transcend themselves."
English translation: "Manchester United are in good form, and we'll have to play very well to beat them."

Not only does Villas-Boas come across as a pompous git, but he can speak an awful lot of rubbish at times. Does that remind you of another certain Portuguese manager who used to work at Stamford Bridge?

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